In case you worried, I am still alive although kinda down at the moment. It’s been a strange few days. At Saturday, we, that is Julia, Alex (along with their collegue Kentaro), HeRan and me wanted to take the train to the Baltic Sea and spent the day there. Unluckily for me, Lisa was invited, too, when I was absent and I did not want to quit the trip just because of her. Right now I feel a very strong surge of loathing to her. I do not enjoy having such feelings. I don’t want them but I know better than to supress them. I won’t indulge them either but I am sooo angry at her!
Anyway, the six of us got to Zinnowitz, a very lovely small town on the island Usedom and enjoyed ourselves. I had one of those delicious salmon sandwiches, lots of chocolate ice cream, made lots of nice pictures and I got four new postcards for my collection. I like collecting cards from places I have been to and of course those I receive from my family and friends. I was even bathing in the sea! I had not intended to do so, when I went there. I cannot swim, I do not own a bikini and I have usually problems to cope with hot weather. But it was not that hot at that day and the water was nicely refreshing.
HeRan relished in burying us one after the other under a layer of fine beach sand (quite comfortable under there) and we shot some funny photos. All in all it was a wonderful day! Well, I awoke the next day with a bad sunburn on my face and shoulders. The funny thing being that the skin around my eyes is completely pale because I wore my glasses/shades all the time. I looked like a panda bear! 😦
I have spent my last two days nursing my poor skin and trying to motivate myself to start studying. I was a little bit annoyed that although I had concented to accept Lisa being on the trip I did not want to spent any more time with her than absolutely neccessary. She still does behave in her usual way, not considering anyone’s convenience but her own. Just today her boyfriend arrived and I only noticed because I found some unknown trainers in the hall. Julia told me later that she had heard voices and very obvious moaning from Lisa’s room and well, while we were having dinner, both of them, Lisa and her boyfriend, took a shower together (a noisy one, too, with all her shrieks and giggling) and then passed us only dressed in towels. Julia was shocked. This is absolute inappropriate behaviour! Imagine coming home and finding an unknown and foreign guy in your flat who is barely covering himself and feeling quite at home! I am disgusted! And still Lisa is not asking us, if it is okay for us that he stays. Maybe she fears that the answer would be “no”.
I do not get it, this guy should be far far away in Israel now and not here. He was supposed to stay away until the middle of September and I was hoping to be moving until then. It is uncomfortable enough to live with Lisa, but having to endure her and her boyfriend makes me feel like an intruder in my own flat. Like I was invading into their privacy. I feel horrible. Weak. Tired and sad. I do not want to accept such behaviour anymore.
Such situations as this make me hate couples and lovey-dovey stuff. Deep in my heart, I know very well that I am jealous, surely. I can admit that. Just today when I was coming back from the supermarket I looked at the apartment building in which my crush is living, I had not heard from him in the last week. I have not done anything to approach him either. So I was looking at all the windows trying to figure out which of those could be his and I felt sad and lonely. I miss him but at the same time I am not sure if I miss him or just a person I imagine him to be. I then think about contacting him in some way and then I procractinate and wonder if I have the right to do so, if I am not foolish in indulging myself in this crush. So I was in no good mood anyway when I found out about Lisa having a visitor.