I don’t know what is going wrong in the universe right now but how is it possible that I am first tied to the bed with a 24-hour bug and now have a Lumbago?! I mean, this is insane. Really, I have done nothing to deserve this. And this Lumbago is especially annoying since I am only 21 and this is not my first one! Arrgh… makes me feel like my own granny!
I am trying to make the best out of it nevertheless. Against my 24-hour-bug I used my secret weapon, which won’t be secret anymore when I tell you … anyway it is: Nettletea! Yeah! I love it. It does not taste as bad as it sounds, it is way more delicious than Camomille-tea and it works. When I awoke today my sore throat, my dizziness, my headache, my cough, everything was gone! But well, there was the Lumbago… I was so looking forward to go out today, to start my little project of getting to know the town I live in better. And I wanted to visit Ewa again to find out about this guy I have a crush on.
These last nights I have had some really weird dreams. There is this neighbour I have. I have no idea why but he has no hair whatsoever. No lashes, no eyebrows, nothing. I suppose it is some genetic thing with which he was born with. I never dared to ask. So in my dream, I kissed him and well, this is weird, because never have I in my concious mind ever thought of it, never. Not even in the tiniest of moments. We study together okay, and we chat sometimes, but that’s all and I want it to stay that way. My crush on the other hand is bald, too, although he has to shave his head for this (I am still astonished myself that I actually have a crush on someone bald, when I am known to be obsessed with my own very long hair…) and here I imagine a connection. Did I dream of kissing my neighbour because I really, really want to kiss my crush? I hope so. Because I do.
Then again, I am obsessed with first kisses. I always wanted my first to be something very special and unlucky me… it was disastrous. The second one, too. I seem to kiss only guys who have no feelings for me. And may I interject that it is always them to kiss me first?! A sad chapter of my life. Still, my hope and my imagination are strong and I believe that a kiss is a beautiful thing, not just a mere brushing of lips. Although this description would already be better than the kisses I had… You know what a kiss I’d like? A “Beloved Jane”-kiss. This film with James McAvoy and Anne Hathaway. Their very first kiss in the garden or how about a “Emma” (1996)-kiss (the Jeremy Northam version that is)? You see, one of those gentle, soft, lingering kisses and NOT this straight tongue in-and out I had to “endure”.
Because of this dream shattering expericences I am become somewhat less picky. There once was this very handsome humourous guy, a fellow British studies student with a wild mob of disheveled hair. After I had made his aquaintance for approximately 2 weeks, there was this moment that did cost me a lot of self-discipline. We were in an elevator and I wanted to kiss him very badly! I also had the feeling that he might not object. But of course I did nothing. We only chatted about our profs and stuff and all the while I imagined the scene in my head… pushing him to the wall, moving close and… I maybe have looked a little absent-minded and tense. I should add that he had and maybe still has a girlfriend. And if I say I have become less picky then I mean that I did not care if he really liked me or whether he had a girlfriend or not. In that moment I would just have loved to kiss him come what may. Just to know what his lips feel like.
On meeting this guy some weeks later in town again, I still was very, very curious. But I have not seen or heard from him and I accept it to stay that way. So back to my actual crush. I keep thinking about him a lot these days. Maybe that is because this is the second day in a row in which I have to stay in bed (to cure my Lumbago I apply warmth and try to relax; I know I need not really stay in bed but I like to imagine that the more I rest the more I will relax; it works slowly, but it works). And to keep me occupied I watch all this romantic comedies which surely are not very helpful in distracting me from my absent love-life. Geez, I want to get out of this bed as soon as possible and take a walk!!!
By the way: These “I kiss somebody in a dream”-dreams are my very favourite sort of dream!