Three days of university and I am already stressed out…

I finally got to know my new flatmates and I feel very stupid for being so worried before. They are very nice, intelligent and funny girls or should I better say women and they are no vegans, no dumpster-divers or lazy-I-don’t-like-cleaning-persons! Oh yes, life can be indeed easy and it is for me right now. At least when I ignore the increasing amount of work that’s waiting for me. My reading-list is thrice as long as I had originally feared which is by the way not a good sign. I have as yet already three presentations to prepare and it’s only Wednesday of the first week of the semester! Not to forget that I will sing with my choir on a wedding on Saturday and have still no idea what to wear! Arrghh…

But I am happy in a way that my life has some kind of direction again. University keeps me going and after a day full of professors who try to force huge amounts of knowledge into my head (whether sucessfully or not) I have a wonderful excuse to crash next to the TV with some pizza and watch some completely senseless star-searching shows (x-factor, yeah!) without having the tiniest bit of a bad conscience! This is such a big step for me! I would not have been able to relax in this way in my old flat. I would have felt ashamed to just defrost a pizza an dput it in the oven instead of cooking a super-healthy meal before going to a yoga-class. No, I am definitely blessed! I need not lose my head in the clouds but this state and environment I am in is so much better for me! I am sure that in a two weeks time I will have gotten used to the fast pace of a university day again and feel not so very tired afterwards.

The weekend at my mum’s place was like … purgatory? Sorry, to use that word. My mum is not to blame and my brother… well, I do not know what was wrong with him. I was very much reminded of the old days when I still used to live with them in this tiny flat. I was bored as hell and when my brother quarreled with me I tried very hard not to cry (thankfully I always got a hold on me that weekend). I felt miserable. My mum tried to comfort me which was very kind of her but it did not really help. At night I was extremely homesick. I wanted to go back to my own room, to my books and to my bed and formost to my bunnies Bingley and Small Rabbit. I missed them so much it hurt in my chest and I felt stupid because of that. My mum keeps saying that they are only rabbits, just pets and not my children. But they are close to me as if they were. Or almost as if. I am so much used to having them around me all day and the little sounds they make were just missing that night. That sound when they happily nimble at their hay at night after I have put out the light and said good night, which only last some minutes before they fall asleep cuddled up together, is very soothing to me. This sound is hardly audible but I missed it that night (as I said) and had strange nightmares.

Anyway I have no idea when I will have time for some freetime activity with all the reading I have to do. I already noticed that I have barely called or met a friend outside of university these days. You may say “Hey, it’s only been three damn days!” but it doesn’t look like it’s getting better in the next two weeks. I am preparing for some lonely nights studying.

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