Hard times

At the moment things are not going too well. At least concerning my health and my love life. I got through all the Christmas concerts with my choir, enjoyed them happily without catching a cold in the unheated churches. But now, a week later I catched one and it exactly hit me on the night before I had to talk about the Normans in the 11th century in the seminar of my favourite teacher! Right, that teacher!

I did not have to talk about it all alone. I had to partners, D. and O., both guys who are a little lazy but all and all friendly. Our presentation was due on Wednesday. We worked on it Sunday evening, Monday evening and even Tuesday until half past midnight! I was so exhausted. I had prepared the PowerPoint presentation and everything but had had no time to organise my own part. After the guys went home I was just too tired and planned to get up earlier the next morning to do that. Unfortunately I awoke only 2 hours later because of a very painful sore throat. Usually I am not a friend of painkillers, but after I had spent an hour trying to get back to sleep without any success, I took a paracetamol and could finally fall asleep again. Next thing I know is that I woke up at 9 o’clock a.m.. …

So I only grabbed some breakfast, my notes and my bag and hurried to the university. I still felt kind of ill, but I did not want to have wasted all the work I had put into this presentation. I used the next two hours in a rather boring seminar to get some structure into my notes. My head was already a little fuzzy. Then I walked to my next seminar where I was to meet my adored teacher. Let’s call him I.W..

The first thing that was wrong, was that someone sat on my place and it was neither D. or O.. It was some other student I hardly know. D. was sitting at the next table and waved me over. The special thing about my usual seat is that it is situated near the door. When some of the students are talking in front of the class, I.W. always takes a chair to sit near the door, the other side, but anyway, there would only be a mere 1,5 meter between us. Sometimes less! And now this student had not only taken this precious seat from me, we also thus obstructed my view! 😦

When it came to our presentation D. and me stood up. I had taken very good care of my outfit that day. I wanted to look stunning and I belive at least my lover half made a halfways good impression. I wore my new darkgrey high-heeled shoes and thight black skinny jeans. Anyway, my voice was horse, I wore a shawl, but it did not help too much. D. messed up the differend slides of the presentation (which was not my fault, when I say “back” I do not mean “next”). I suppose I spoke a little bit low and once or twice I had to make longer pauses because I got lost in my notes. I was soooo embarressed!

All the while I did not dare to look at I.W.. When I was finally through and D. took over I sat down and concentrated on putting on the correct slides. The few times I cast a look at him he was following the presentation or watching D.. From earlier sessions I knew that he would eventually talk to us at the end. D. could not finish, we ran out of time and while I was putting my things away, he really approached us.

So now here is what I don’t get: He stood in front of the guys, the table between us and him. I was standing apart somehow, because of the table… He talked only to them and he did not look at me. What the heck?! I have no clue what was wrong. I suppose it is possible that I just missed him looking because I felt ill and fuzzy and everything was so strange! I am not sure about it anymore… All the work and me going there although I was ill cannot have been for nothing! 😦 😦 😦

After that I went straight home, crawled into my bed and slept until the evening. I have been slightly down since then and while watching “Lost in Austen” I cried endlessly and had to use uncountable paper tissues until my eyes and nose were bright red and hurt. I was horribly angry with him at first, then with me and finally I am not angry anymore but decided to wait and see until next Wednesday. In the worst case, life still goes on…

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