Dreadful thinking… 14th is coming

I am horribly tired. It’s only two days until my exams start. Two on Tuesday, the next on Wednesday. I have been studying the whole day, read hours and hours about American History (this is for my exam for Cultural Studies as part of my British /American Studies B.A.) and I cannot help wondering:

How come that the history of the United States can fill a huge volume, a tome (!), when it is not even 300 years old?! Okay, if I count the colonies, too, it’s maybe circa 400, but still in the eyes of a historian (like me^^) this is nothing. Even my hometown is older (777 years old)! This is something that has been bothering me today. I guess I won’t make it through the whole volume. All of tomorrow I’ll need to freshen up about UK history and my other exam in history… Where did all my preparation time go???

Guess what, I don’t like exams. Indeed, I never did. Who does? But this time the pressure is really getting to me because a lot depends on me passing these exams with at least average marks. This time I feel like I could have studied more, like I did not everything I could have done… but then maybe I am lucky and get only asked questions I know…

My mood has been a little bit low these last two weeks. Not only because of the exams. It’s also that I am all alone in my flat, the other girls enjoy their holidays or stay with their family since it’s so near. I admit I do not feel as lonely as I imagined I’d be. I suppose this is “thanks” to the exams and because I try not to think of Im. too much. I miss him but I cannot let myself dwell on this. Firstly, I have more important things to do. Secondly, I will see him (hopefully) again in the next semester (that is April) and thirdly, Valentine’s Day is coming up.

I love Valentine’s Day and I hate it all the same. I do not think of it as a very commercial day, although it maybe is. I like the thought of celebrating love. I know, we could celebrate love everyday, but we don’t just as we do not show our appreciation for our parents every day (as opposed to Mother’s Day and Father’s Day). I always dreamt of spending Valentine’s Day with my beloved one, my boyfriend. Problem is, and always was, that I never had a boyfriend around that time of the year (what an understatement).

Anyway, every year around Christmas I get melancholic when I see the couples walking hand in hand, when they are all spreading so much love and harmony that I want to get sick. Then I always cross my fingers and think of Valentine’s Day, hoping and wishing that I won’t be alone then. This year, I really had hopes for a change. But, bah, who am I kidding? I cannot even write a Valentines card… that would be way to childish…

Truth is, I will sit alone at home with my two rabbits and study till my head steams for my most horrible exam on the 15th and try to pretend I did not know it’s V-Day. Or maybe… I just came up with the idea, maybe in case I am very lucky, I’ll meet him in the library! Which is not the best place to start a conversation least to get into the real Valentine’s Day mood but I’d be already happy to greet him and be greeted in return!

(Which would mean he remembers my face. I have a teacher here at the university whom I’ve studied with for 2 years and he still looks completely confused whenever I greet him on the street, tz tz…)

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